beyoncebeytwice:

can someone invent a candle that smells like a blown out candle

yeezus-fish:

when a stupid slut asks if there’s going to be a swimming pool
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  • me whenever i see a pigeon: nice
  • leonkumquat:

    when my dad was in college he had a friend who told a girl he’d take her on a date unlike any other she’d ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank

    they’re married now

    bikinipowerbottom:

    "She’s really pretty for a black girl"

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    “He’s really cool for a gay guy”

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    “She’s doing really well for a woman”

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    clestroying:

    turning 12 like

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    mydogsnokes:

    i’ll take my chance with aliens before i mess w/ whatever is at the bottom of the ocean